24. I'm Sorry...

Dear Followers, Friends, Fellow Anas, Anonymous Readers, Whoever you are,
First of all, thank you for caring enough to even read what I post. It means so much to me. You are all so beautiful. I love you all.

Sorry for the unexplained, extended hiatus. So much crap has happened to me in the last 2 weeks. Everything has been such a whirlwind. To sum it up shortly - my family intervened. Again. Basically I reached my all-time low of 85. I have no idea how. But it was so blissful. I naturally have low blood pressure to begin with, and after I got down to 85, I had a lot of dizzy spells. Now I know to expect those, so when I get back down to 85, I'll know to tough it out!

But anyway, I passed out and my family freaked out on me. They didn't hospitalize me because I have so many tests (AP testing... high school is hell. I can't wait to get out!!) and because of financial issues right now. Anyway, they forced me to gain so much weight.... And because of all the stress I am in (AP tests - five of them. WHY do I do this to myself? Oh, because I am a perfectionist, and masochistic in other ways) I gave in so easily. I couldn't deal with the added pressure of having all of them screaming at me, crying around me, begging me to eat, all of that crap. I feel like I blindly accepted anything they shoved in my face just so they would shut up. I don't even want to think about it. I think I put on almost 14 pounds.....

So in the past 2 weeks I've gone from 85 to around 100 again. There is NO WAY that that can be healthy. But my family likes me fat. My family is trying to capture Ana, shove her in a prison cell, and try to change me.

It's not going to work. I refuse to let them do that to me.
I'm going back down and they are going to be so sorry they ever tried to make me better.

Every time they try to "heal" me, it makes me want to get even thinner.

Anyway, I'm in a severe crunch for time right now, so I'll post more later. I'm still in the middle of my many exams, so I'm not sure when I will be posting again. But I want you all to know that I've been reading up on most of your blogs, and there are so many things I wish I could tell you. You mean so much to me~

Stay strong, and take care. You are all in my thoughts!

<3 Samaire