4. Stressed.

This week has been absolute HELL.
My teachers are crazy. I got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and I didn't have time to hang out with friends, or have any down time to relax, etc. Just because of work. I guess I bring it upon myself, because I could technically just give up on my work and sleep at a normal time, but I crave perfection in everything. And I don't want to be a normal person anyway. I want to be thin.

I go to music school on Saturdays, and today I noticed that the girl who sits next to me in Music Theory class is super super thin. I'm a size 0 right now (except I'm short, so I still look pudgy. Disgusting.) and this girl looked about half my size. And when we stood up I noticed she was like a good 4 inches or so taller than me.

I realized I've seen this girl around the music school for about 2 or 3 years, and she's always been skinny, but she's getting smaller and smaller every year. I don't get how she does it. But she's definitely thinspo to look up to every Saturday.

I never see her eat, ever. Not in the cafeteria, not around the campus, not in the hallways, absolutely nowhere. Except she doesn't look sick or anything either. She looks healthy, and obviously, beautiful, because she's thin.

I binged today because of all the stress, and I felt worthless afterwards. Especially after sitting next to that girl for an hour. I couldn't concentrate on anything in class, because I was too busy just staring at her hipbones and craving them. And trying to be sneaky about it, so I didn't look creepy or crazy. Hahaha. But yeah... damn.

Never binging again. I am sick and tired of feeling crappy after I binge.
Life's just so much easier if you don't binge. You feel less worthless.

I hope everybody's doing well~
Stay strong, beautiful ladies.


<3