5. Why do you build me up, Buttercup?

Feeling blue lately, so I'm listening to sad songs/old songs/etc. Hopefully you all are having a better week than I am.

I went to this club meeting after school today, and there were all of these snacks laid out for the club members to eat. I hate how all public events seem to revolve around food. But anyway, I felt good because I watched all of these small girls gorging on Girl Scout cookies and cheese doodles (I really don’t understand how people can eat those. They look super fake, overly orange-colored, and just disgusting in general), and I refused everything and simply chewed gum.

I was feeling good, when I got home and realized my mom had bought all of this heavenly smelling bread. She knows I hate white bread, so she bought this multi-grain/high fiber/all natural loaf of bread, and it smelled incredible (she was toasting some for herself). I caved in and had a slice too (it tasted so damn good too…. MUST control myself. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!!), and realized just how LARGE the loaf of bread was. Basically, the bread is going to be the reason for my binging if I see it anywhere. So I put the bread in a refrigerator-safe bag, and put the entire loaf into the fridge. And my mom looked at me funny, and was like, “WHAT are you doing???” haha so I told her how I heard that bread keeps longer if you refrigerate it (it’s true!), and how because it tastes so good, I would hate for it to get moldy, yadda yadda yadda. And she was just like, “Oh, what a good idea!” and left me alone. So that was awesome. Now the bread is out of sight, out of mind, and most importantly, OUT OF BELLY. Haha

Oh yeah. I have been battling the urge to take laxatives for the entire week. I know it's virtually useless, because yes, it makes you feel emptier for a short while, but eventually the effects are canceled out, etc. So yesterday I bought a small box of dried prunes, since I remember how when I was younger, my doctor made me drink prune juice (it tastes FOUL) if my digestive system was being wacko. I had 3 dried prunes, and they tasted disgusting, but they made me lose my entire appetite because they were so gross. And about an hour or so after eating them, I needed to go to the bathroom. It was like having all natural laxatives that don’t screw up your digestive system. Pretty cool, I guess. But dried prunes, like all other dried fruit, have a lot of natural sugar, so I’ll be limiting how many I force myself to eat of course.

I’m sick of being at the same weight, after ballooning for two months. I know I can get back down, and I’m going to make myself get back down by the summer. By June, I want to have shed about 10~12 pounds. I think that’s reasonable and definitely achievable. I’m sick of being afraid to wear my super tight/super skinny jeans because of the way my thighs look in them. I’m gonna fit back in those like I used to, and feel AND look skinny and beautiful.

Hope you all stay strong~

<3