February 4, 2009.
I am so horrible at keeping journals.
IT'S NO WONDER WHY I'M GETTING SO DAMN FAT.
I am such a failure at life. I entered these competitions because my parents are pushing me to win scholarships for college. I put my whole heart into them and spend hours and days and weeks of my life on these, and I still have never won a major one yet. I can only seem to win these tiny regional ones, and I feel like such a failure.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
I can't even control what I eat correctly.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
So I'm giving up on these opportunities that I lost. Because I'm retarded I can't seem to win any of these multiple K scholarships. So now that the majority of these are over, I'm focusing on what I eat. Like crazy now.
I have a recital at a very important venue (don't want to give my location away. I'm paranoid. Haha I have no idea who's reading, after all) in a month and a half. I already bought my dress for it when I was about 98 pounds. I'm 102 now and I can see the huge difference. My belly pooch is disgusting. I'm going to lose all of it before the concert. I refuse to feel corpulent/nasty on the night of my major performance.
Blah. I sound like such a whiny fool.
Like I said, I am a failure.
AHHHHHHH.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
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1 comment:
wow we're a little hard on ourself today. Gosh give yourself some credit!!! You are not a failure. Start focusing on something positive you've accomplished. Really I know you can do it ;-)
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