13. Lucky Thirteen.

So on Saturday my recital went really well~ I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or gloating, but it's a night I will never forget. The photographer we hired took 70 pics of me...I hope I don't look fat in the photos. Tho I did feel pretty secure because I was wearing a strapless evening gown that showed off my arms (only my arms and upper abs are actually toned - I HATE my thighs and lower abs. I'm not even going to start whining about them...) and covered up my stomach very nicely. Being a string player is fabulous because your arms get very toned. But then your thighs don't really get toned, so I really have to work on them...

Anyway, maybe I'll put up pics sometime soon. I haven't gotten any of the photos from that night back though.

Now that the concert's over, I've been less stressed and I have not binged once yet! I hope I can maintain this. Went out to dinner with the family yesterday and everyone ordered huge meals (skirt steak, portabello mozzarella something something, rigatoni bolognese, etc.) but I ordered half a salad with mixed lettuce/greens/etc. and a tiny bit of chicken because my mom was like "YOU NEED PROTEIN." etc. etc. So glad I refused all that other food. It looked severely high cal and high sodium.

Anywayyyy on the day of my recital, this guy... I'll call him uh... S? Haha okay. So S is my best guy friend, and I invited several of my closest friends and family and teachers, as well as my parents' family friends, etc. to the recital, and S was part of the crowd. He was so supportive the entire day... before the concert I was freaking out and everyone else was just saying things like, "Oh don't be nervous, silly, just calm down you'll be fine." And it was really obnoxious because how is that supposed to calm me down?? They were just shrugging off the fact that I was terrified because I was about to perform in this huge venue. But S texted me throughout the whole day with the cutest little messages (favorite one? "You're going to look like a goddess on stage too. But of course, a tiny goddess because you're so skinny. Gosh. Haha") and when I saw my friends 3 hours before the recital, he sat with me for an hour and hugged me to calm my nerves (my head fit very conveniently in that space between his shoulder and neck). After I played, I got eight bouquets of flowers from the crowd (which I wasn't expecting at all!!), and S personally gave me one too (24 gorgeous red roses. Damn. I feel guilty - no one else got be so many other than my own parents). And after the concert my dad met all of my friends (he loves doing that.. it's kind of embarrassing but at least he's chill about it so my friends think he's cool.. thank God). In the car ride home, my dad goes, "I like your friend S. He seems really outgoing and genuinely nice. Too bad you're not interested in him."

SO EMBARRASSING. Thankfully only my family was in the car, not S or any of my friends. But it was kinda funny that he would think something like that so when I was texting my friends in the car, S texted me and I told him. And he texted me back with, "Haha well I'm glad I already have his approval for when I marry you ;) <3"

I know S was joking. But the problem is... S is supposed to be my best friend. Except he's been very flirty for the past three months, and I feel attracted to him I guess? But I don't want to date him because I don't want our friendship to get messed up, etc.

I feel like I am over-analyzing this situation, but it's hard not to. S broke up with his girlfriend last month, and I was the first person he texted afterwards with, "SO GLAD I'm single again. She was so clingy!" And I went, "Aw, but she's so cute. And she's nice." And he went, "But she's not you."

....AHHHH.
I am probably just making myself so confused over nothing.
I'm glad we don't go to the same school during the week. I need to be away from his intoxicating presence for a little while to get myself straightened out.

I'm also severely restricting this week, now that concert stress has subsided. I have competitions next month, but it never hurt to get skinnier. I crave perfection when I perform, so why not crave perfection on my body?

Stay strong, think thin, and be beautiful~
Thank you to all my followers! <3 Means a lot :)

(Sorry this post was so damn long!)